| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|10:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | completely fucked. | ] |
yeah ummm moving. so i won't be on here for a few days nor will i be on the messenger. don't worry yo, im coming back. anyways comment or something.
here's lookin at you kid!
R to the Y to the A to the N-eezzy |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 20th, 2005|09:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Led Zepplin - Stairway to Heaven | ] |
i dunno wtf is wrong with me lately. I have had alot of time to myself recently and all i have been doing is thinking. Like what all has happened in my life, where i am at, the people that belong in my life, and what im going to do next. One thing i know i found out for sure though is that im not happy. I have no food, no money, no job, and a stack of bills that gets higher every month.
For some reason it seems that i am losing all of my friends one after another. my life is spiraling down into a big pile of shit and i don't know what to do about it. I could go live with my parents untill i get back on my feet, but then what. where will i go, what will i do. I just don't want to "run back to mommy and daddy". I have tried my ass off to make it on my own, but somehow i always get screwed.
I have never been able to decide on what it is exactly that i want to do. The only thing i can decide on is that i want to have fun. Im tired of working all the time and not being able to have fun cause i have to work. fuck that. but you can't really have alot of fun without cash so its reciprocal.
so im sitting here thinking. Thinking that im not ok with everything. I haven't been ok or have known where i stand in my life since i was in highschool. i have a feeling that i will never know where i am or that i will never make it in life. My dreams ar so far away, and everyday they get farther and farther away. i really don't know what to do with myself anymore.
yeah more of my stupid bitching. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2005|06:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | megadeath- what bitch! | ] |
Wow. last night was fucking fun. accent night at chili's now thats something to remember. This waitress was totally hitting on me, she couldn't like walk away or just sit and think about what she was gonna do when she got home, no instead she hung around and listened in on our conversation and added things when she felt fit. She didn't fucking raise her hand or anything. women. idiots. i swear. lol by the bloody way, your moms chocolate chip cream dream pie is delicious. oh you know who im talking about.
seen wedding crashers too. it was pretty funny. it was a good time, it felt good going to the movies. blah.
well today i went to work and when i got to one building i punched in and got my tools and realized everyone was at the other building. so i started to drive there when i heard a sound in my tire that sounded like i was driving on a flat. i get out and check and have a fucking 1/4" bolt sticking out of my tire. UGH! what the fuck else can happen to my piece of shit before it dies. so i spent the last of my money on a new tire today. that sucked. I also didn't get a chance to eat anything at all today so im fucking starving.
peace niggas. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|07:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Got my first paycheck this week. what niggas. I got money finally.
I haven't been sleeping very good lately. Too much on my mind. I've slept the most 4 hours a night. Well i got home at about 2 in the morning today and fell asleep when i got in and didn't wake up untill 5 p.m. so i got alot of sleep today. God damn.
Work is going good. I have been putting in alot of hours, and working at 5 a.m. Soon i will be able to pay off my debt and after that I think Im gonna go and get my tattoo done. Then its new car time. Every week something new breaks on my car. luckily i have been able to fix everything, but its been time consuming.
In the realtionship end. Things have been ok i guess. There are a few people i would like to be with, but its hard. Either there are complications or its my mental state. There are still alot of things i need to work on. I know im not that great guy, but eh I try. i really want to be just sometimes things happen. Manuel and I were going to go to the club the other night but they were being gay so we didn't go.
Manuel and I got kicked out of nascar speedpark. haha Fuck that fat bitch so we got caught trying to make the stamps on our hands to ride for free, so what. do something nigga.
Ugh being at home licks nuts. Noone will answer their phone and katie is at work being gay as usual. :) thats for denying my order of food. I try to order 3 of everything on the menu and she tells me no. do you believe that. You don't tell a fat kid no to food allright! bad things happen.
Picked up the new Black Dahlia Murder. Awww shit yeah that shit is awesome.
Black Dahlia like a mutha fuckka.
Affleck you were the bomb in phantoms yo!
werd bitch phantoms like a muthha fuckka.
ha gay whatever. these fat bitches are coming over so peace niggas.
holla. |
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| ha |
[Jul. 1st, 2005|09:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
Food stamps today what. free food like a mutha fucka. But alas it will be the end of those, for I have a job now. Ugh i can't wait to start it. Being at the house all the time is just getting to be so god damn depressing. It'll be sweet cause i get to learn how to weld stainless stell there. Something i have wanted to do for a while. They are going to pay for courses for me to take too so that'll be good for my education.
I almost was gonna move. If i hadn't found a job by the end of next week i was just gonna quit and fucking leave. I don't have the money for rent or utitlities , but i will when i work. getting paid at 15/hr and getting tons of overtime, i think that will suffice. anways i got a side job to do in a bit to make a quick 50 bucks so im off.
over and out. |
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| ugh. |
[Oct. 1st, 2004|09:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | norma jean - Memphis will be lasid out to waste | ] |
god its been a bit but here we go.
Well shit has been bad lately but what can you do.
im just gonna take shit as it comes to me.
No more trying to do things ahead of time.
what ever comes my way im gonna deal with it right then and there.
I have skipped school twice now to go to 2 shows. Went to the Norma Jean show last night. I am so sore. I definitely fucking had a good time. although i knew nobody and i didn't talk to anyone.
throwdown was really good, and so was norma jean. fear before the march of flames wasn't that good this time, but when i saw them with the red chord they were good.
im going to see lamb of god this next saturday. Thats gonna be a good one. im gonna rock like no tomorrow.
Oh and i bought myself a birthday present. I bought a new $700 dollar guitar. its sweet. i will try and post some pics of it if i can.
Im gonna try and start a band so i can start playing shows again, and to meet people.
i have been working so much these last 2 weeks its fucking exhausting. i have been working from 8 a.m. to midnight. then coming home and going to sleep about 1 then waking up and doing it again. man i can't wait untill that job is over. I bought the new shadows fall cd and it rocks. i think its their best yet. I bought the bill engrvall dvd also. heres your sign. hahaha. well im off i have to work. later bitches. |
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| This week has been grrreeeaaatttt! |
[Aug. 22nd, 2004|08:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
Man oh man. whew. monday i went to see the red chord, a life once lost, fear before the march of flames and. Then school on tuesday and thursday. Then i went to see killswitch, 18 visions, 36 crazy fists, and from autumn to ashes. that was a good fucking show. Keith went with me. ha his first show. I could go in the pit though. I fucked my arm up monday night going in those pits. i guess i was swinging so hard that i pulled something pretty bad in my back or neck or shoulder. i sunno it all hurts. I went to work on tuesday and had a unit start to tip and i caught it with my fucked up arm and it made it hurt even more. so derrin hooked me up with some loretabs i think thats how you spell it. those helped alot. but my arm is still killing me. I got my EPA test results today. I fucking passed. ha i thought i failed for sure. So now i am certified in all types. Im going to start doing preventive maintenance on childress klein properties. that should be interesting. School should be very interesting also in the next couple of weeks. I wish alana was here to see how im doing. i miss her. meh..... Time Crisis 3 is a sweet game. i am addicted. I also bought need for speed underground again. i love that game. ohwell I got to go. got some video games to play. |
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| honestly i really do live in a trailer..... |
[Aug. 17th, 2004|10:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | that song from anger management, I feel pretty, oh so pretty | ] |
Well. so far this week had been pretty good damn good. It really breaks that long period of depression and sadness. I went to a show by myself, which sucked cause i had noone to talk to, i felt like the weird insane kid that noone talked to or they would get their head cut off. But the show was fucking great all those band were really good. The pits.... oh. my. god. way better than any buffalo pit i have ever seen. i went in alot. I got fucked up too. i got spin kicked in the side and punched on the side of my head near the eye. but it felt so good to just go in there and swing and get hit and let some anger out. it was like an orgasm of pain.
And then there was today. Today was going ok i guess at work. I told kathy I needed to leave at 4 in order to go home take a shower, eat real quick and be able to make it to school. She says ok. well 3 rolls around and Shonda calls up Denny and asks if she can pull me. He says yeah. So i get told to pick this shit up for Chris, and Chris is all the way down at the Carolna place mall. I told her that i wouldn't have enough time to get the parts and deliver and do all the shit that i need to do for school. so she tells me not to worry about it. then greg is in the backround and tells me to get all this shit on my truck for tommorrow. So i get it on there and by the time im done with that its 4. So i ask if thats it for me, you know is it my day. Then i was told to go to I-85 and Graham St. So I go there and i call to find out what im supposed to do, and by this time im pissed cause its already 4:20 and she tells me, oh nevermind what we needed you to do never went through, so i was good to go home. So I fly home. I got there at about 4:45. I jump in and out of the shower didn't grab anything to eat again, second night in a row, and hop in the truck and take off for school. Then i hit like 4 traffic jams. WTF i finally get through and i get off the exit and over to school, here it is 10 mins till class starts and im just pulling up and have no idea where my class is. So I get inside and find my way and just barely got in on time. The teacher came in. HA he is real young and hes black and came dressed like a technician not in a shirt and tie. He had on some dirty shirt, some khaki shorts, and some old dirty tims. He pretty funny and jokes around like I do. i think its gonna be a good class. But yeah that was my 2 days. I got nothing going tomorrow. but i got class again thursday night then i got the killswitch show on friday. its gonna be a hell of a week. Ouch! Im still sore from monday. My arms and back hurt so bad. but it was worth it. Peace. |
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| this weekend was grrrrrrrreeeeeeaaatttttttt!!!!!!! |
[Jul. 19th, 2004|12:35 am] |
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today was pretty good. I slept untill about 12:30 then got up and got everyone together, and went to go play in this big paintball tournament. This tournament was pretty crazy, there were people of all ages playing. It was the best paintball match i have ever been in. We got home from there about 8:30 or so so we played about 7 hours. the guy running the whole thing was really nice. He had food for everyone, and stuff to drink,and also sells paintballs and refills on CO2. Then we came back and went swimming for a bit. After that i went to the store and got some munchies cause i was fukken starving. so i got back from there and then sat down and watched the goonies for a bit, one of the best movies from the 80's. I was looking online last night and found that killswitch engage is coming here to the tremont music hall. so i bought a ticket online. Gonna see if i can get keith or scott to go with me and maybe some of their friends or something, just don't want to go alone. i gotta get going i got work tomorrow and i know im gonna need my sleep. peace. |
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